colombolions.com

[Mosquito]

In the light of Jermaine Pennant's recent conviction for drink driving, it's nice to see the Lions following in the tradition of drinking and/or driving-related incidents. First we have one player running a poor old tuk-tuk driver off the road, through a ditch and up into the uppermost branches of an unsuspecting thambili tree - I always wondered why these High Com vehicles were built like tanks - it's so they can drive 'em like tanks - then we have another taking his son to a marathon four hour post-training drinking-training session. Now I know the child in question is now nearly 3, and that Germans are suckled on beer, but still ... when poor team-mates get it in the neck from irate partners and the poor little laddie gets grounded for a week, is it time to draw the line and say goodbye to the beer?

After all, what comes next? Are we to pursue Georgie Best into the broom cupboard for a litre of Scotch and a quick half-time knee trembler with a cleaner? And if not, do we go up to Galle Road McDonald's and do a Bowyer, chucking tables through windows because our buns haven't been buttered? And what about our supporters? Come on, people! That fourth goal on Saturday was outrageous. You should have ripped up the seats and hurled them at the ref, or, at the very least, set the dog on him. How about trashing the 138 bus, or, better still, Kinjou's? How many times have we been there? Every Saturday at 7.30 a dozen footballers and their families show up for their post-match waters and lemonades. Are they ever ready? The waiters, I mean! No chance. They wouldn't have got away with it in Bestie's day. I now believe that, when the opposition waltzed through thirty yards of open space on Saturday to score two goals in as many minutes, that our midfielders were already at Kinjou's placing their orders. 'Cos I don't recall them being on the pitch.

I remember a time when footballers were men. They ate sausages, eggs, chips and beans for a half-time snack, downed 14 pints of bitter for breakfast, smoked 20 fags, and then went out and won the World Cup. Now it's all bananas, green salads and bottled water. What is the world coming to?

So three cheers for Jermaine Pennant and our own Bad Boys, and three boos for the soppy sloppy foppy salad, fruit-flavoured tea, decaf coffee (WHAT???) Natural yoghurt, rather-eat-tofu-than-a-raw-chicken's-foot raffia-sandaled kaftan-wearing hippy-dippy-hippy wuss. So come on, Lions. Get bevvied up and cause some bovver.

FOUL THROWS? BOLLOCKS

[the gaffer]

beer rage is a wondrous thing when done right - take LEFTBACK for instance, experiments should be carried out on him for the good of mankind. Deprive a German of his beer, and source the seething, you could power half of Bambalapitiya off him.

:evil: However, as the manager of the Colombo Lions it would be wrong to advocate the trashing of any establishment, even those places who appear to employ memory loss sufferers as waiters. Mosquito's comments are purely his own and do not in anyway represent the beer-starved thoughts of the Colombo Lions FC.

Garcon!