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[Mosquito]

Now the squad's out for the FA Cup (and, for what it's worth, I like it!), here's some sartorial advice for you all. I've been thinking about haircuts and ties so .... what's all this about skin'ead cuts? Is the idea to walk out and blind New Rome with the dazzling glare of the afternoon sunshine hitting your balding pates? What successful cup-winning footballers can you name who've had Lee Bowyer haircuts? Great cup-winning players of the past, like Kevin Keegan, had flowing curly Marlon-style locks. Graeme Souness had a perm. Gary Lineker had a sensible short back and sides. Chris Waddle had a mullet and Bobby Charlton had a Bobby Charlton.

So how about it? Forget the stubbly look. Grow those locks! Let's have Hicksy with a mullet (and I don't mean put a fish on yer head, though it might move around a little more!), Mucky with a perm perched on his head like a French poodle (you might get more sense out the poodle's yapping!), Listy combing the strands over his gleaming skull, Karsten with hair to his shoulders like an Iron Maiden front-man (we know you Jerries are thirty years out of date with your music taste - "Oh, zat new band, Led Zeppelin, I zink you call zem...") Spivey with a Ringo Starr-style pudding-bowl/moptop cut, MadDog with a marine flat-top barking out his orders, Micky Mitchell with a tight bubble perm - dyed orange of course, Marlon - you like Becks - get a mohican! K2 gets his Rasta dreadlocks (Hey, man, feel the vibes!) and Ainsy - you should go for the Diana Ross and Supremes BIGGGGGGGG HAIIIIIIIRRRRR! So come on, ladies, get 'em permed.

Now onto the suits. There's the double cream suit and crushed strawberry tie favoured by John Barnes several years ago, but I think there are other possibilities. You could go for the funeral parlour look - black trousers, white shirts, black ties (Raybans to be MIB) - a Body of Undertakers. In memory of our away kits, orange suits and black ties? The combinations are limited only by your imagination, budget and courage. I think that if you really want to turn on the style and terrify the opposition, you should go for a New Romantic/Duran Duran look - lacy cuffs, velveteen knee-length coat, moleskin trousers, frilly shirt, buckled shoes ... Come on, Mick. You must have this stuff in your wardrobe somewhere. And make sure the coats are the colour of this message!

Anyhow, I shan't be with you on Saturday, so .... "Back home, we'll be thinking about you when you are far away/Back home, we'll be really behind you in every game you play .."