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[the gaffer]

As the clouds gathered under the watchful gaze of Lord Buddha, a small band of brave men left their changing rooms and walked the long walk to the centre of the Kurunegala Stadium. The men, head to foot in brilliant white, stared down the opposition. Dressed in blue, juggling the ball with the understated touch of a pack of trained clowns, the Kurunegala locals were an awesome sight, but these men had seen better, had played better and had lived to tell the tale. This game, however, was to be no circus. There were lessons to be learnt on this day and the teachers would spare no rod. The match was set: The Pelicans vs The Lions.

The game kicked off and The Pelicans threatened immediately. The Colombo Lions defence looked edgy, the midfield unsure and the attack positively bizarre. Shots rained in as the clouds broke and the sandy surface underfoot began to churn. Only desperate lunges and sloppy finishing kept the game scoreless, but not for long. An uncleared cross fell to a marauding Pelican who deftly chipped the ball into the six yard box again. Pullen rose to clear but the ball skidded unkindly off his fair head landing opportunely at the feet of a rather youthful attacker who, despite his fresh innocence, cruelly hammered home a volley from three yards out to send the crowd wild.

Down, dejected but not as yet defeated, the mighty Lions rallied in true ‘king of the jungle’ style. The ‘odd couple’ of Toe and Anildo, leading the attack, looked strange but started to work. Haseen out on the wing began to take control, making darting runs, turning his marker inside out, discarding him like a dirty pair of boxers. But to no avail. Then suddenly, out of mire, out of the gloom, Luca’s inspired throughball and Toe was clear. One touch, two, Toe controlled the ball. The keeper advanced. One-on-one. Man against Man. Lion against Pelican. 'Man of the Match' Toe swung his majestic right foot as far back as he could and unleashed an unstoppable shot. The keeper dived bravely to his left but his flailing hand wasn’t enough. The ball bounced into the net and Toe went wild. 1-1. The Lions had somehow drawn level.

Not for long though. The Pelicans were enraged. A flurry of all-out-attacks, and Captain Pullen and his boys were in disarray. They fought bravely, Asanga parrying shot after shot, Karsten scrambling after their lightning-fast winger, Dr Mo dishing out his very-own special brand of medicine, Randall wandering dazed like a Napalm victim. What a sight! What a glorious sight! Alas, it took a cruel deflection for the angry Pelicans to get their goal. A shot from the edge of the area, valiantly charged-down by the stand-in Captain himself, ricocheted goalwards, sending Asanga the wrong way. 2-1, and half-time.

By the time the second half had started the clouds had broken. Kurunegala Stadium was awash with mud, blood and rain. The injection of Seaman’s pace upfront started to tell and the Gaffer, in true Yorkshire style, revelled in the conditions. The Lions went after the equalizer. From the kick-off, Seaman went close with a header, after fine work down the right from Haseen. The Gaffer sent Luca off down the wing with a spectacular overhead kick only to see him fall in a heap by the corner flag. Anildo’s snappy runs through the centre, undone at times by his ill-choice of footwear, started to look more threatening and less odd. The Lions were fighting back, the grit between their teeth and sand in their eyes. By God, what pride!

Sadly, not enough. The Second Division side began to dominate, showing their true class. Karsten was tested time and time again, with Randall doing a great job as sweeper. Pullen led the line with real ‘backs-against-the-wall’ fight. But the third was inevitable. Chasing down another long ball, the Pelican striker turned inside the defence, and fired a shot deep into the bottom right corner, giving Asanga no chance. 3-1. And more was to come. Soon after, another uncleared cross fell to Haseen and his sloppy back pass to Dr Mo let a snappy Pelican winger in for the fourth. 4-1.

Gung Ho, the Lions rallied for a last chance free-kick, throwing all their attack forward for one more goal. Alas, the ball fell short and the Pelican’s defence cleared their lines. Suddenly, the counter-attack was on. With weary legs and a broken will, the Lion defenders chased after their tormentors, but with little hope. A snap shot and 5-1. The whistle blew, the rain ceased, and the lions were defeated.

The sombre mood didn’t last long though. The Lions picked themselves up, washed themselves down and took off for the Mayor’s house for fish rolls and a nice cup of tea. Captain Pullen’s honourable speech was met with rapturous applause, and was followed by a short history of Anglo-Lankan relations from the referee. Eyeing the Mayor’s stuffed cheetahs, Pullen made his apologies and the team squashed back into the Club Van, leaving his Right Honourable behind in his faux-mansion, destination: the nearest Wine Shop with cold beer.