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[andyallenone]

Match Report by Iain Cochrane

With apologies if I’ve spelt your name wrong, invented you, missed you out altogether or fictionalised events.

Thanks to Andy for Dictaphone duty.

08/09/2007

Borella F.C. 4 - Colombo Lions 4
(Unpunished hand-balls Borella 5 - Lions 2)

How the F*ip did that happen?

Actually, where the f*ip did that happen? Do a left up Baseline road then do a right at Generic Mawatha and hope to ST. Christopher that he knows what he’s on about. Down an obscure back alley and unmarked on the map we found M.H. Mohammed stadium and geared up for a game against an unseen opposition until two and a half minutes before kick off. Talk about a mix of youth and experience! Their age ratio challenged even our’s but they weren’t there for the Hell of it. They turned out to be pretty tasty in more ways than one and once again you could be fooled into thinking that a few rupees had found their way into the ref’s back pocket. Still, if it was comedy you were after, it was worth every penny.

The Lions started brightly and had a whiff of goal in the first minute but the net didn’t bulge.

But we didn’t have to wait very long before it did. Jules forced a corner which he took himself after having a brief dance with a couple of horses who were munching the grass by the corner flag. He sent in a low one which fell to Vegard. He touched it into the area where Mesh thrashed it goal ward. The shot bounced off their number one, hit the post and came to rest over the line for an early advantage. Definitely Mesh’s goal Jules.

0 - 1

Like last week, there were worries that the flood gates had opened but it was fleeting feeling as Borella started to pass it around comfortably. They held onto the ball well and put some tidy passes together.

The first sign that the ref had learned his trade at the “Osman Academy of Fair Play” came remarkably early when he randomly awarded a free-kick to Borella because their midfielder gave Steve H. a fat lip.

To explain: Steve received an accidental elbow in the teeth but carried on like a Captain should. In the absence of any whistle, he won the ball cleanly and cleared it up the pitch as far as humanly possible. The free-kick was given for kicking the ball away. After the whistle, the ref might have had a point. Before the whistle…?

Thankfully, nothing came of the free-kick but another bizarre moment came shortly after. The ref blew to stop the game because Iain D was deemed to have defended while holding a bottle of water. The water was so that Steve H. could rinse the blood out of his mouth. Next time Iain, play like a true Scot. Use a glass bottle…a broken, glass bottle!

Meanwhile, back in the world of football, Borella continued to probe but the Lion’s off-side trap was well oiled and working well. For all their endeavour, there didn’t seem to be a hint of danger.

Then a well defended attack culminated in a corner for Borella which was taken short. The Lions won back possession and Hassim played a lovely through ball to Furrukh but their defence coped well with the break.

On ten minutes Vegard played a precision ball through the middle to Mesh who finished the move well at close range by thumping the ball into the roof of the net giving their keeper no chance.

0 – 2

Although still a threat, most of Borella’s moves were snuffed out by the Lion’s mid-field who were comfortably dictating the show. Asanga was pretty much a spectator at this point.

Vegard was particularly noticeable, bossing the midfield and trying a couple of long range efforts one of which was just wide of the left-hand post.

But the first of many dubious off-side decisions by the ref helped a good attacking move by Borella. Kaz to the rescue but the ball fell nicely for a long range shot by the opposition which was easily collected by the still-awake Asanga.

Soon after, another home shot went sailing just over the bar. With 15 minutes gone, Borella were creeping back into the game.

Their next trip into our half was dealt with easily by a combination of Kaz and Vegard and the ball was sent up-field by Hassim for Furrukh to chase but a defender’s head got there first.

On twenty minutes Andy A. made three changes. Kadi for Iain D, Danny for Andy and Wahid for Mesh.

Danny started to make a nuisance of himself from the off by forging a solo run up the middle and then jinking wide but the shot hit the side netting.

Then Furrukh had a great opportunity but took one touch too many with the danger being cleared by an alert defender on 25 minutes.

Then a taste of things to come. A Borella attacking mid-fielder simply danced through the middle of the Lion’s defence and got a shot away which caused Asanga to dive nimbly to his left to push the ball around the post for a corner. A great save and the first major worry of the day for the Lions.

But the Lions responded in the best possible way to all the pressure when Danny increased the margin. Sadly, no colourful adjectives were used to detail the event but as Andy said on tape “Quelle surprise.” Welcome back Danny.

0 – 3

Two minutes later Danny was at it again. Apparently he scored another death defying goal but Andy failed to expand on it so I’m screwed really. Damn it! I just can’t work under these conditions! I’m an artiste for flip’s sake!

0 – 4

Steve H. then incurred the wrath of the ref again for having the audacity to question why the third Borella hand-ball went unpunished. Thin ice matey! He’s just not in the mood.
As Andy said…”Mental note! We can’t have this ref bossing our games in future. Actually, it’s not a mental note ‘cause I’m recording it.” You just can’t argue with that.

By far, their best player was that tricky No. 6 and we’d been handling him all day until he had an idea to go solo. From the edge of the area, he danced around Kaz and pulled the trigger. Asanga made a great one-handed save but the ball rebounded to him. He then put two more Lions on the deck before coolly slotting home for a brilliant solo effort at the death.

Half time: 1 – 4

We were in a good mood at half time putting it mildly. The truth was, we were cruising and still had plenty on the bench. And with that soothing feeling of confidence blinding us completely, the second half…

After the break, Borella were buoyed by their late first half strike and quickly won a corner. They followed this up with another decent move down the right which was halted by a very alert Asanga when he raced up half the pitch to clear. Good keeping.

The Lions were barely getting out of their own half in the opening minutes as Borella kept up the pressure. They nearly clawed back another goal but new signing Liam tracked back from his right wing position to clear off the line.

The clearance went only as far as their mid-field and back they came again. A useful ball through to No. 6 found him in the right mood. Once again he glided effortlessly past three tackles before placing the ball in the net without breaking sweat.

2 – 4

Laurent then tricked his way into the box and got a shot away but it was well covered by the keeper. Eight minutes gone in the second half before our first shot on goal.

After that brief moment of control, Borella took a hold of the game and laid siege to the Lion’s goal.

There still seemed be no cause for concern at this point. No. 6 was keeping everyone alert and he was denied half a chance when Andy A. put the ball out for a corner rather than risk anything. Nice covering play.

Hassim and Liam were making acres of space down the Lion’s right but for all their running the ball ended up being lofted up the middle for anyone to chase. Liam was impressing though with some strong running and made a great tackle to stop a Borella break-away.

Then, out of the blue, a forward ball found Vegard on the edge of the “D”. He volleyed the ball out wide to Liam who, with his back to goal, volleyed it back into the danger zone where an unmarked Furrukh volleyed it just over the bar. A great move which deserved a goal.

Half way through the second half the ref awarded the Lions their first free-kick of the game. However, due to some ironic applause and cheering from the Lion’s bench, he got the hump and gave it the other way. The kick was pushed up field and another great scoring opportunity was prevented when ******(insert name here) brought him down in the area. The tackle looked clean but it was from behind which could be the only reason why the penalty was awarded. The score line remained as it was though when their No. 3 placed the ball wide of the left hand post.

And still they came; with a series of attacking triangles which led them to the edge of our six yard box before Kaz put a stop to it.

Asanga was called to duty shortly after by making a superb save from a close range shot after some great build up play.

Although we seemed to be handling them comfortably, the ball barely caught a whiff of the Borella half.

Francis then did well to beat No. 6 to head the ball clear but it fell to the Borella no. 14 who was playing further forward in this half. He struck a long one which beat Asanga and nearly snapped the crossbar in two. Lions clinging on now.

One of their younger players who had spent the first half in defence then had a No. 6 moment. He skipped past three Lions before laying off a perfect pass to No. 6 who rolled the ball easily into the back of the net.

3 – 4

After a rare, brief and fruitless stay in their half, they worked the ball back fluidly for yet another attack. The ball was played out wide to their No. 9 who muscled his way past the Lions defence before squeezing the ball in at the near post with seconds of game remaining.

Final score: 4 - 4

This was an enjoyable foray into the unknown but perhaps we should have won this one. In the end we were undone by four exceptional solo efforts. The unbeaten record for this season still stands though (not counting the 1 – 0 defeat when only five lions turned up a few weeks ago). Maybe we’d have done better if some key players hadn’t found something better to do somewhere else. No names, no pack-drill. Joking aside, Seaman, Steve A and others including Captain Rich (setting a very bad example) did the Lions proud by reaching the semis of some 5-a-side competition or other so well done chaps.

M.o.M. went to Danny on his return to the side after a lengthy absence. He scored two and spent the rest of the time causing all kinds of problems all over the pitch for the opposition.

Special mention goes to Captain Rich’s Mum who, I’m told, avidly reads the match reports every week. HELLO RICH’S MUM! I’d love to know what you though of “THE KIT BAG”.

Starting XI: Asanga, Iain D, Kaz, Steve H (Capt), Iain C, Jules, Vegard, Andy, Hassim, Mesh (2), Furrukh

Subs: Andy A, Danny (2) (M.o.M.), Liam, Wahid, Kadi, Francis, Laurent